


Watercolors

by DisneyLover113



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Exes, Feelings, Levi Ackerman & Eren Yeager are the Same Age, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reconciliation, Rehabilitation, Therapy, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:40:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29514039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisneyLover113/pseuds/DisneyLover113
Summary: Eren made a mistake and ruined the best thing that ever happened to him. Ten years later, he gets the opportunity of a lifetime to make up for what could have been.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my third fanfic! I figured it might motivate me more to separate the story into chapters instead of one long story. Hopefully, my plan works...

Eren fucked up. Badly.

He honestly had no idea what the hell was going on, thanks to getting blackout drunk at the bar in downtown Trost. The night was more like vignettes, little snapshots throughout the night that somehow stuck in his empty, booze-filled head.

He doesn’t even know why he started drinking to begin with. The taste was nothing to brag about. Maybe it was the idea that the alcohol would sedate the ever-present memory of the day his parents died. He was only fifteen at the time and being put into the foster system was no joy ride, either. He was lucky to have gotten into such a good home for as long as he did. Dina was a sweet woman, and Eren knew she did her best to deal with his nightmares and disassociation with the world around him to cope. Being so young and experiencing the dark side of the human mind, teetering on the edge of dazed and incapacitated. She never talked to him like he was crazy and was so patient. Eren couldn’t thank her enough; she would be so disappointed in him now.

At twenty-one years old, he managed to ruin one of the few good relationships he had with someone he loved more than anything: his boyfriend, Levi. This part Eren would never forget. Levi creaked the door open, surely having heard the noise and had to check for his sanity. Levi’s eyes looked glossy, staring through them like he couldn’t see them. Eren was naked in their bed with another man he met at the bar a few hours prior. He caught them kissing and touching each other’s bodies, hungrily grabbing at the heat they desperately wanted. Eren finally noticed after a few moments. Levi had never looked so hurt, though only Eren would notice since he could read Levi’s subtle expressions so well. His eyes were wide and face unmoving, impressively still from the shock.

Eren remembered getting up, not even attempting to cover the shame he was caught in. He stumbled his way across the room to Levi, still motionless. Eren can’t think of what he said exactly to Levi, but Levi’s glare told him all he needed. Levi wanted him to die. If his glare could kill, Eren would have been burnt to a crisp and stomped on. Those glowing steel gray eyes were cold, lacking any light for the scum that was in front of him. Eren was nothing, and now he had nothing.

Everything seemed muffled, the rest of the world vanished, even the drunken pleas from the strange man in their— Levi’s bed. Eren could feel the vibrations of his voice rumbling through his body, the only sensation he was aware of. His spirit was heavy. He was buried in the dark abyss that is his being. His self-destruction ruined the few good things he had, leaving his alone with his poisonous thoughts, calling him nothing, undeserving of love, and a bottomless pit that swallows anyone or anything that comes too close.

Levi now knew this firsthand, albeit not the best way. Eren knew it had to end this way. He can’t drag Levi down with him, into the abyss. He doesn’t deserve to be destroyed by Eren even further.

Eren doesn’t remember Levi moving toward him. He does remember how Levi’s fist felt when it connected to his cheek. He was stunned by shorter man’s strength. Levi never hit him before, and Eren never wanted to be hit again. There was too much emotion behind it. Wasted on such a piece of trash.

Eren remembered yelling. He yelled at Levi. Something about suffocating him in the relationship or revoking his autonomy. He lied. Why? He doesn’t know. Maybe to scare Levi off even more. Maybe projecting onto Levi when he felt like utter shit for his actions and taking it out on the closest person. Maybe both. He did see Levi trying to compose himself, clenching every muscle in his body to reel in his physical want to hurt Eren. His face screwed tighter; his dark eyes narrowed on him like a predator.

Levi suddenly shifted, back stiff as a board, somehow looking down on him from his lower level. But Eren knew he was beneath Levi; he would be lucky to be considered the dirt crushed in the grooves of Levi’s shoes.

“Get out.” The air was suddenly cold. Nothing moved. Time seemed to stop. The air had been kicked out of Eren’s lungs, unable to catch his breath. No matter how much he wanted this to happen, it didn’t hurt any less.

“Fine, good! I’m glad. It’s better you found out anyway. I needed to get out and feel something."

He needed to stop the word vomit. His mouth was almost disconnected from his brain. Levi _needs_ to know that he doesn't mean what he's saying.

"You're so suffocating! You babying me doesn't help me. You think you know what's best for me, but look at me! You can't fix this.” The slurring usually signaled to Levi that Eren was talking out his ass, and he would give him some water and suggest he go to bed. Levi was usually right, so he finally left.

He heard that guy from the bar scurry behind him. He forgot he was even there, but he wouldn’t want to be left alone with a angry, blood-thirsty Levi. Eren felt like he was floating on air, his body transporting him from place to place. He assumed that guy got his way home, he could care less. Somehow, he made it to his best friend, almost sister Mikasa’s apartment. She graduated a couple years before him and was doing way better than he could imagine. Providing a life for herself and not failing at living. He hated himself for even thinking of disturbing her life and maybe ruining another good relationship because of the dumb shit he’s done, but she was the closest and he needed someone now.

He cautiously climbs the stairs to her floor while clutching to the railing, long legs shaking like a newborn deer. That final step gave him great relief that he didn’t kiss the pavement. Reaching his destination, he reluctantly knocked on her front door. During the lull of waiting, he shifted from foot to foot, anxious and jittery. He had no idea how she would react. Would she pity him from his pathetic state, disappointed by how he got himself into this mess, blame herself for not checking in on her incompetent friend that can’t handle simple adult tasks and must halt her life to save him?

His thoughts were interrupted by a slightly muffled voice calling out and the clicking of a door lock. The creaking of the hinges settled Eren back to reality and cleared his mind long enough to pretend to be okay while greeting her. Mikasa’s eyes widened a bit at his sudden appearance but welcomed it, nonetheless. She enveloped him a warm, familiar embrace that Eren desperately craved and melted into her touch. She practically dragged him inside from the chilly air. She fussed over him as normal like a mother hen, covering him in a blanket and offered some drink or food, though she gave him a glass of water despite his initial refusal.

“So, school must be busy; it’s been a while. How are you?” There it was. What a loaded question.

“Um, okay. You know, the usual. Art takes a lot of time and I get so distracted lately. I can barely remember to feed myself.” It was an offhanded statement, sort of. College is time consuming, but Eren’s urge to escape the tedious daily routines gnaw at his brain, making him itch for impulsivity. Levi was more grounded than him with completing tasks in a timely fashion. He helped Eren cope with his impulsive urges to keep him on track without restricting him to the apartment if he was really stir crazy; he would even go with him for a change of scenery and probably to prevent Eren from running amok for too long. Levi was too anxious to not check in on him.

“You seem kind of sad. Is everything alright? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, of course.” Eren knew she wanted to keep him there if she could since it was rather rare that he visited on a whim, and she could read him like a book. He couldn’t hide anything from her.

The memories flooded in. Levi looked cold and stony. His eyes filled with so much anger and a flicker of sadness. Eren did that to the strongest and most considerate man he knew. He trampled on their relationship, once so pure muddied by his own demons whispering in his ears. Telling him that nothing in his life has gone this well for this long. There must have been a bad omen somewhere, and he missed it maybe? How was he good enough for that deadpan angel when he took advantage of his hidden consideration for years?

Eren must have looked like a wreck because within seconds, Mikasa almost launched herself to his side and began petting his hair. Eren shook as he sobbed into his hands. His throat felt so tight and burned from the guilt and weight of his guilty mind. The emotional and physical pain came crashing down on him. He finally told Mikasa everything.

She tried masking her disappointment of his behavior since he clearly felt what he had done was wrong and rubbing salt in his wounds would help no one. Eren calmed down enough to breath normally, though his tears flowed freely. He felt truly lost now. He had no plan for the future. He can’t possibly see Levi now, maybe ever again. If he missed too many classes, that would be detrimental to his transcript. Mikasa could hear the gears turning in his head while he mindlessly gazed in the void.

“Hey, let’s just focus on the present,” she reached out to touch his shoulder, stirring him from his trance. “We can go get your stuff tomorrow. Don’t stress yourself out more.”

“That’s easier in theory. My mind is all over the place. I can’t go back like this.” Eren stared at his hands in his lap, trying his best not to sob uncontrollably. He wanted to scream at himself. He wanted to get mad at Levi for letting go of their relationship so easily. He knew this was just denial, but he can’t begin to imagine a life without Levi in it now. They had known each other for so long, attached at the hip. Relationships like theirs were more fragile than Eren realized, but he should have learned his lesson from his parents.

“Just get some sleep for now,” she pushed. Eren succumbed to the tiredness that wrapped itself around him like a warm, disruptive blanket, breaking him away from the shitstorm that was his life. Mikasa fixed him a makeshift bed on her futon, giving him a small smile and reassuring squeeze on his arm before turning off the lights. Eren stared at a spot on the wall. His fatigue thankfully quieted his thoughts. He could repress the darkness at the edge of his mind for tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the delay! Midterms are over so maybe I can crank out some material between then. Please enjoy chapter 2 (also I decided to change the rating now before I forget later...)

The sun burned into Eren’s eyelids as the fog of his sleepy brain slowly cleared. He almost forgot where he was, but the stabbing hangover made him remember quickly. Mikasa was already getting ready for the day; she was normally productive by this time in the morning. Eren found the oven’s clock that read 7:08. Eren groaned that his body betrayed him to get up despite his brain coaxing him back to sleep. It was pointless. Eren had to face the inevitable. Thank god Mikasa was there.

The pair made their way back to Levi’s apartment. The sun was still hanging low in the sky, but the world around them slowly woke up. Birds were chirping, the subtle rumbling of car engines growing and fading, a handful of people were walking down the street, looking happy. Rubbing their joy in his face. Mikasa tried her best to distract him with small talk, so he did his best to go along with her. Time seemed to stop as they arrived at the front door of those oh so familiar apartment buildings. His body desperately wanted to run to his old home and ex-boyfriend, movements so tempting and etched into every fiber of his being. It took everything in him to not jump out of his skin from the anxiety and shame shooting through his body.

The elevator creeped up to the fourth floor, the dark, consuming weight he pushed to the back of his mind feeling heavier by the second, his body is reacting more and more to a possible confrontation. He was shaking at the thought. Sobriety had that effect on him, making him deal with the consequences. Remembering how he treated Levi, how he yelled at him, made his stomach turn.

The elevator finally dragged itself into place, its doors slowly opening into the white, empty hallway. The chill in the air slowly suffocated Eren, the adrenaline creeping into his veins. His hands began to tremble slightly. A large part of his brain was telling his body to bolt for the quickest exit.

“Is this it?” Mikasa called out, pulling Eren from the mild anxiety attack he was guaranteed to start if he kept thinking to himself. He looked to where Mikasa stopped. There were a few boxes of his books and knick-knacks, his duffel bags leaning against the neat pile Levi arranged on the welcome mat. Eren inhaled shakily as he slowly unzipped the duffel bags. Inside, his clothes were pressed and folded with such delicacy and care.

Eren’s eyes began to burn. That looming memory of his last interaction with Levi was fully out, making itself known in the front of his brain. He ruined everything. How could Levi have wasted his energy with a man he put _years_ of trust and affection toward that broke his heart into little pieces.

Mikasa rubbed circles on Eren’s back as his tears soaked into the clothes Levi touched. Another thing he messed up.

Eren crashed at Mikasa’s apartment for a couple weeks, avoiding school and people as much as humanly possible. She tried to convince Eren that school wouldn’t be too bad, and the school was big enough that he wouldn’t see Levi too often. One time would be too many if he had to see the look of scorn and disappointment from Levi. That look was something he never wanted to imagine.

As a certified freeloader, Eren pulled his weight as much as he could to make his sudden intrusion less of an inconvenience to his friend, no matter how many times she tried to deny it. He cleaned as frequently as possible, a habit he picked up from living with Levi. He could cook the basics like rice and scrambled eggs and even boil water for his frequent tea times with Levi. He watched Mikasa intently as she prepared food, soaking up every little thing he could and writing down what he could on flashcards so he couldn’t mess up her food. Besides, he’d need to learn more to cook for himself eventually.

Another intrusive thought constantly plagued Eren’s mind. It nagged at him like his mother used to do when he was a child, and a slightly bigger child. Rehab. He knew it would be good for him. Everything thus far seemed to point to this eventually solution, but when your pride was as big as Eren’s to keep such sensitive subjects to himself. He can figure that out without the possible judgement of others.

Or so he thought.

Looking for clinics was harder than he assumed it to be. There were so many options. Did he want to live in there? Live alone? How many times does he need to have sessions? Will this become his new life? Not to mention he didn’t know how deep-rooted his issues were to alcohol and, to be honest, he didn’t want to deal with all his baggage at once.

So using his great judgement skills, he decided to ignore researching any further for at least a couple days. Unfortunately (or fortunately to whoever is looking at the situation), Mikasa seemed to catch on to Eren, witnessing how quickly he moved from focused to constipated in the face and she may or may not have caught a glimpse of his laptop when he was in the bathroom one evening. Eren knew Mikasa would use her superhuman mind voodoo to get him to keep looking eventually.

The more Mikasa became involved, the more Eren opened up about his research and his tours of the facilities. He wanted structure but needed the ability to experience the world around him. Somewhere to show off the progress he would make. Days then weeks went by before he found the perfect place for him: Paradis Outpatient Facility. Eren would be able to have some sort of normalcy in his life outside of the facility and set up a schedule with a therapist to go at a regular pace. Eren called for a visit, and Mikasa was there right by his side. Eren and Mikasa were very impressed by the politeness and efficiency of the staff to make their visits as comfortable as possible. The lobby was painted in warm, pastel hues that seemed to be effective in calming Eren down with a less medical looking room. The therapists’ rooms continued the warm colors and the quirky personalization of each room gave a friendlier environment for daunting conversations to come.

Eren signed up later that week with a woman names Dr. Historia Reiss. He met a few therapists based on a personal questionnaire like therapist speed dating. Eren got along well with her, and she looked the least intimidating (though that may change since she’ll know just as much about him as Levi did and then some). Her big, bright eyes, small figure, and quick wit also reminded him of his mother.

Eren felt something click into place. His world used to be filled with uncertainty, nothing stable besides Levi. Hesitant was his lifestyle. After his breakup, that provided him with the yearning to act. To change. The path cleared for him, and this was the first step he needed to be a better person. For himself and to be the man he should have been for him. Eren must be the first one to become that, and he felt that he could now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you in the next one! I appreciate comments and kudos :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for joining me on my first multi-fic!!! I'm kinda excited about this one. See you in the next one!


End file.
